I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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