i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
