A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
