You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
