I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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