I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize