i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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