You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
whose parrot is this?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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