We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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