Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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