i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
