you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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