get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
