OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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