She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
