8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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