:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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