I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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