Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
