You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just want to make out with him forever
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize