Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
