I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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