so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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