just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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