Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
