she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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