So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
