after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
