why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
