everyone is single if you try hard enough
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
