U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize