I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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