Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
