this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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