i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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