Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
