I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
