I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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