she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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