We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
