I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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