I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
