so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
