I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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