I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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