Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
