Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
