mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize