Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
