Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
