ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
