And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
