walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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