i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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