I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
