I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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