i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
