Girls should come with a carfax report
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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