Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
