Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
