are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
