oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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