Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
