FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just high enough for therapy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
