I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
