She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize