i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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