it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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