I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize