3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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