okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
