Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
