I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
