Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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