my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
