I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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