"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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