he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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