Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
as a side note pls kill me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize