I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
