dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
