Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
