thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
