oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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