Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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