So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
wow bdsm is so cute
You did what with his pubic hair?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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