guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
whose parrot is this?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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