who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
