so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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