I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
