fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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