Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
