dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize