I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
