I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He better not be in your backpack
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
