god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
