Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
