dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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