sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
