dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
