I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
