Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Terrible idea I love it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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